Il consiglio dei professionisti

Profane Pros

Accenture Match Play Champion Matt Kuchar is known for being one of golf’s good guys. But golf’s Mr Nice admits he’s not always been an angel. As a youngster Kuchar revealed: “I have been angry. I can remember getting in big trouble as a kid. I threw my club into the water and was made to go fetch it. Then my clubs were taken away from me. It was a terrible punishment.

“I’ve learned my lesson but even since then I’ve been angry enough to slam, curse and do the things that we all do as human beings.”

Even though it’s not big and it’s not clever, even though it kind of is, the thought of Matty having a swear up makes us like him even more.

Fortunately for the world number eight if he does get caught turning the air blue on course the £965,000 he picked up on Sunday night that took his career earnings through the £14million mark should cover any fines or donations to the clubhouse swear box.

Of course there are other ways round ‘effing and jeffing’ than merely paying for the privilege, we suggest using gofers names as rhyming slang. There are plenty of profanity substitutes out there but it’s up to you to find them, we fear we’ve already said too much.